Little Q has perfected his sleeping routine! He gets heavy-eyed, he puts himself to bed without a struggle and sleeps restfully all night in his own quiet room. Unfortunately….this was only true when he was a baby. Here is Q’s current routine as seen and told by his mama.

Tip #1:

When it is time to get jammies on, run around the house with an ear-piercing shriek like you’re being mistreated and hope your loyal dog will come to your rescue so you don’t need to get those cozy clothes on. When mom or dad finally trap you, kick and wiggle the entire time and occasionally throw in a couple scratches for good measure.

Tip #2:

After clean jammies are on and only taking 20 minutes longer than necessary, keep on the move because those parent people are going to want you to relax. I’m an adorable 3-year-old boy and I don’t need to go to bed when they choose. What are they thinking?

Tip #3:

Eventually, you’ll get snagged by mom or dad and stuck with one of them, possibly with a blanket on top. This is the point you need to get imaginative. For example, say you need a drink of water to quench your horrible thirst, but the water next to you will absolutely not work, only water from the distant kitchen in a particular container! This way you can stop and play with toys or find whatever else that might draw your attention to squander some time before getting back in their grasp. Summer is a great time to pursue a stray fly or dusty moth that got in the house. There are endless possibilities here.

Bonus tip: Want to sit with whoever is not holding you.

Tip #4:

Once they apprehend you, whatever you do, DO NOT CLOSE YOUR EYES! Those moms and pops will nuzzle you then sneak you into your unoccupied, cozy, warm, little bed. I digress. Focus! This is not the goal!

Tip #5:

At some point they’ll say it’s time to go to bed, meaning no more cuddling or watching TV and definitely no more excuses. BUT be persistent in asking about sleeping in their bed and if they say no, inquire if they’ll sleep in yours. I’ve been unlucky going this route but there’s no reason not to ask in excess.

Tip #6:

When they commence tucking you in, kick off all covers and attempt the drink ruse again. If you let them know how sincerely thirsty you could be, they might propose to grab you a water and that’s when you pounce. You leap out of bed and run to beat them to the door. Even if they overcome you and advise you to get back in bed, this will buy you a few more precious minutes.

Tip #7:

If you can escape the room, they’ll have to corral you back in after chasing you around the coffee table and then the next tip. Ask to have whichever parent has already left the room to sing you “Rock A Bye”. It works great at my house! My mom’s a pushover for this bedtime duty. You do have to force them lay their head on your super, soft pillow and lightly scratch your back while they sing. And lastly, hook your arm around their head right before they leave so it’s hard for them to get up and tell them you love them. Every minute counts at this stage of the game.

Tips #8:

My last tip is of utmost importance. If you can’t sleep in their room and can’t talk them into sleeping in yours, you only have one move left. Take a brief nap, but only after they say you’ll be in trouble if you get up once more. Then go scramble into their big ‘ol bed when they’re in REM sleep so they’re too tired to carry you back. You can clearly make it to mom and dad’s room through the darkness but it is entirely different going back to your room so just DON’T DO IT!

If you follow my detailed instructions, you will be able to snooze comfortably in mom and dad’s bed for at least a couple hours in the morning.

Bonus tip: You will have excellent sleep because you were determined and motivated to stay up, so you’re reasonably worn out! Just don’t tell the parent people.

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